Back once again our political masters

I feel funny. Sudden dizziness, slight nausea, feeling a bit shaky and unsteady – sound like vertigo, maybe? Anyone know?

So went a question in my timeline during the week.

Round here you could put it down to anything; the weather, Noel Whelan, UPC customer service, Bertie popping up on Reeling in the years…

This time of year though the bell rings for next stop on the gravy train and the mercs, mandarins and muppets return for the first real business of the 31st Dáil. Silly season makes way for shouty season. RTE’s new free intern is dispatched to dig out the Leinster house background and Miriam Lord receives her annual biennial pencil.

For me the technical group have been the story so far. Running from far left to SINDO columnist who, for now at least, agree they will work together so they may contribute. An interesting slice of Irish politics and healthy dose of outsider, providing great encouragement to anyone who wants better but will settle for different.

Contrast this with the three that stayed out and hopefully we see the future of independent politics.

With a hostile and patronising establishment to deal with, the fact they can speak and vote their mind should win support as time goes on and will shortly begin to draw envious looks from opposite backbenches. At least two new parties should emerge.

The seeds of both are well capable of capitalising at the government’s expense in the mean time.

I am probably alone in being slightly saddened by the sidelining of Caoimhghín Ó Caoláin. He is one of few old style orators left in the house (ie. taking the usual twenty minutes to get to the question but does so eloquently). For all the underhanded criticism levelled at SF in the chamber, he mostly managed to stay above the tedious schoolboy shitehawking and is a far cry from some of the talking to the floor, script droids we sit through. Nevertheless the sheer contempt that Gerry brings out in people makes up for it. The tone of Enda’s replies is something.

He genuinely resents talking to him.

It‘s an insult.

That little nugget of discomfort with keep me going as long as it needs to.

On the business side of things, Sinn Fein have been working hard. A few dodgy media performances aside in the chamber they seem to know their stuff and will uncover plenty of sally rods to beat the government with. Like the technical group the big hurdle is just when they have minister on then ropes, RTETRON leans over and asks

“But where are you going to get the money Pearse, eh? Where’s the money for the bloody ATMs and the babies?”

Until they can answer or at least prepare for that they don’t stand a chance of shedding all that baggage.

Micky Martin. Who is he? How long will he last? Who will replace him? Who can save this great national movement? – Who cares…

A vote for FF was a vote for the new government. Enda now has the luxury of facing the most impotent and incompetent opposition since the last one.

But still

18 Tds. 18 sneery gobshites with nothing to offer but more importantly now, nothing to offer their supporters, no power, patronage or promises though maybe a few pints if they’re going. Where does this leave Fianna Fáil?

Who cares…

Government stooge #62 should be reminded that the mandate they received was a Fianna Fáil kicking. A kicking for all manner of scurrilous shite that more and more people are having less and less time for.

Who has the power then?

Uncle Ajai is back in October to check on his investment. The white glove will run meticulously over the dust of public spending. The Cabinet will watch him closely – noting every hum and grunt till he gently turns, pauses a moment (for dramatic effect) before nodding approvingly and disappearing back underground before the sun comes up. Noonan will saunter down to the plinth, tell us we’ve achieved something and onward for austerity republic.

So how will they be keeping busy ?

In the 374 appearances Fianna Fáil have made since February, not once have they failed remind us of the government numbers.

They can do what the feckin like now in the Dáil. The have total control over what goes on in there. Sure this isn’t they way a parliament is supposed to work atallatall…said one brass necked oblivious deputy..

Paul Kehoe tells us “When TDs return to the Dáil on the 14th September, after a reduced summer recess, they will return to a different Dáil, with new rules and improved procedures. They will return to a Dáil where TDs can play a more active and meaningful role in the legislative process and where the members of this House will have more opportunity to raise issues with Ministers in a more effective manner. They will return to a Dáil better equipped to hold the executive to account.”

Sounds promising. Tell us more…

“Dáil Reform is the shared responsibility of every member of this House. In the just over four months since the change of Government the Deputy Government Whip, Emmet Stagg TD, and I have worked closely with the three Opposition Whips to progress the Dáil Reform agenda.”

Emment Stagg, really? Are you proposing he heckle the bejayus out of any noncompliant.

He’ll being doing it regardless.

Perfect, What else?

Topical Issue Debates


Jedward, Today’s Liveline, Will Bob Charles ever get those Bishops etc

We also sit on the first Friday of every month. TDs can introduce their own legislation

You won’t be paying much heed to the other side of the House on that one?

Don’t be daft.

We start at two, a half hour earlier and will have a longer Leader’s questions


But there will be none on Wednesday

How come?

Longer one on Thursday but that’s usually the IBEC pro-am so Gilmore will fill in.

Gilmore, is he still around?


A crack team has been dispatched from Iveagh house to locate the thunder Enda swiped from him last January. No luck so far. The dithering and discontent in last weeks papers had been alluded to for weeks elsewhere so on this occasion we could just believe maybe Indo. Enough people have said Red is the new Green at this stage but the fall for Labour may be even harder given they have allegedly stood for a lot more for a lot longer. Unless there is a complete reversal of Government policy they will be going against most of it.

But they have inherited their own mess.

The white flag was raised with January’s Finance Bill. All the roaring and shouting, ‘beyond the pale’ jibes and opposing the bank guarantee every hour of the day for three years was for nothing. Such was the urge to take over as Olli’s bagmen they were tripping over themselves to get it over the line. In a reverse Pinocchio twist the Punch and Judy show have now become real puppets. The notion of being a labour party was never even entertained. Though that was never the point was it.

No, they’re in the business of government. The business of tough decisions.

What monkey behind the scenes is letting them trot out that rotten chestnut again so soon? Rabbitte licks his lips seventy times a day and Joan to start swearing at IDA meetings by end of year.

We are where we were.


Dáil XXXI High Roller’s Bonanza


First Labour deputy caught sitting beside Mick Wallace during Oireachtas Report…

Sean Barret to strangle Richard Boyd Barret by xmas – 2/7

Pope dragged through the chamber to face Oireachtas committee – 10/1

Nation to face Liveline re-runs as the last phone connection is cut of in June 4/5

Gaiety of the nation only slightly improved by Paul Kehoe’s pyjama day – 5/2

Fresh faced deputy caught watching proceedings on his monitor. Promptly beaten – 3/2

Passive aggressive factor 15 sometime around February – evens…

One Response

  1. … but things are going to be different now … right? We’re going to have accountable government … right?

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